My family is asleep and I need to share my excitement with someone.
So here I am pouring myself out to the cold faceless interweb.
I was playing my Waldorf Blofeld synthesizer and I came across a ram patch called
"Choir Bells"
I held a simple C chord...
It was a nice angelic pad.
As the LFO swept through the wavetables I could hear droplets of rain like they were resonating wine goblets in a random and yet divine unearthly unity.
I just sat there holding that chord for about ten minutes.
It was ten minutes of bliss... pure untainted beauty just for me.
This description is going to sound cheesy and new age.
Just bear with me, I have an open mind, but I'm not Shirley McClain or Tom Cruise.
Session 6 focused on ... finally resolving past issues.
Session 7 focused on feeling secure while dealing with really insecure things.
Sometimes I would remember a mistake I made or something embarrassing that I said or did and I would beat myself up about it. My reaction was to do what ever I could to sedate the feeling, distract myself, whatever, anything but deal with it.
The session seven tries to trigger even the most deeply buried junk from our emotional history.
This is important because the unresolved issues in our past are the basis for our reflex/reactions in the present.
The training involves a change of perspective towards yourself. If a good buddy came to you bummed about something stupid they did in the past would you punch him in the gut and call him names? I wouldn't, I would try to be a good friend and console the poor dude. But, why don't I treat myself with the same compassion when I recall a past upset?
Don't judge your pain,
just listen to it,
feel it,
and deal with it.
So here's where it gets weird.
Each day I would sit in a tub of warm water for 20 minutes.
My ears were submerged and everything sounded funny.
I closed my eyes and remained as still as possible.
The idea is that in our hyper-culture we are constantly bombarded with sensory stimulus.
It is hard to experience the peace required to listen.
So this is a little like sensory deprivation/womb simulation... that's the weird part.
The difficult part is that what is triggered is not cognitive memory information, but pure emotional memory without any personal historical context.
It is like taking an emotional shit, a very dull agony.
But this is what it takes to remove the metaphorical splinter, a deep and infectious splinter that makes your flinch and get angry when people bumped it or tried to address it.
Who ever wants to build this for me, I will pay handsomely.
It needs to have velocity and aftertouch on the lower keyboard.
The neck keyboard should be very flat, like buttons, but more than just a printed plastic film. The neck wouldn't have velocity, but still needs to have aftertouch. The pitchbend bar is raised for the option to put a thumb under it or palm down. It should be pretty stiff.
Any extra standard midi controller functions that I forgot can go on the back of the body.
I was thinking that there could be either different styles or just a removable blank matte cover plate that you could customize.
Kinda like some cell phones.
My style ideas are:
Euro-Future, Rusted Cyber-Blood
Gloom Sexy. London Garage
57 Cherry, Mahogany Pearl
Rhyme & Bass, Blue Soul
Black Tie, Video Killed the Radio Star
There should be a contest for who can come up with the coolest designs based on these names.
Okay, I've been pretty preoccupied with the acquisition of new synth gear so I haven't posted in a while.
btw, the difference between reacting and responding is important in these sessions.
Reaction is an unconscious reflex and responding is a calculated choice.
Week 4 was about being one with your pain and discomfort.
The idea is that pain and discomfort are not inherently bad, but we react with judgement towards our pain and discomfort.
Our P&D are merely messengers.
Our reaction is to sedate and control our P&D.
If we shoot the messenger we might be spared of unpleasant news but it is probably news that we need to hear.
If we have a physical injury, getting mad at it might have some negative affects on your recovery. I haven't done any research on the impact of stress on the human body but my doctor tells me that it's bad.
Week 4 focused more in terms of physical discomfort and week 5 was more about emotional discomfort; shame, disappointment, impatience, etc.
Week 5 was about changing our reaction to P&D to responding to it the way we would respond to some one else that was hurting.
I don't know about you but when some one I care about is hurting I try to be compassionate, but when it is myself I tend to beat myself up about it.
So this week a lot of things from my past popped up. Things that I was embarrassed about. When I would recall these things I would usually get upset and try to think about something else.
The problem is that past traumas effect our present life, decisions we make and how we react to people.
So this time I received these resurgent memories and talked myself down as if I were talking to a friend that was dealing with their own issue.
In this case I was counseling my younger self. Yes, that's weird, but people are weird.
As a result I was finally able to put some old ghosts to rest and they won't have any influence on my present relationships or my self image.
The whole thing is very weird, it's like re-experiencing something familiar in a strange foreign way.
I'm getting back into music... synthesizers specifically.
I'm getting rid of all my old avant-garde junk and hopefully just getting a couple a versatile and modern pieces that sound great.
Here's one that I'm looking at.
The Access Virus, it's a virtual analog beast.
I've always loved the crisp euro sound.
All my favorite Progressive House programmers use this thing.
Here's another one that I actually just bid on and lost.
This is the Waldorf Mircrowave XTK.
It is based on wavetable synthesis,
something I've wanted since I was 18,
about seven-teen years ago.
I couldn't find a good demo of the sounds on You-tube, so here's it's little brother, the MW2.
I've always really like FM synthisis,
but hated that the Yamaha stuff never had resonate filters.
So now they have this cute little groove box,
it's like a DX7 with knobs,
built in effects, and A FILTER!!!
It features a rhythm section with step sequencing. All in all a pretty cool little toy.
I have the Korg Electribe series and some soft synth stuff like Reason and Absynth so I guess I'll be in pretty good shape.
My friend Jeff plays guitar and drums really well, he has some really nice gear and knows about three people with Pro-tools studios with a bagillion plug-ins. One guy has a V-drum. Who knows, we might make some cool junk.
I never really mourned the time when my Electro Harmonix Micro Synth was stolen.
I am sad. Helios Creed put a wanted ad out for one of these things in a Sub-pop newsletter. I was intrigued. I saw one for sale locally, I only intended to check it out, see what it was about. When I played it I knew that it was made for me. It made noises so offensive that the devil him self would blush to describe it out loud. I had to own it.
Also, my Univox Super Fuzz was stolen in the same incident.
This video does not do it justice.
When you think about the face-melting lead sounds on tracks like American Woman...
that is what it did.
I only got to play it once...
it was like getting hit by a truck going 200 mph carrying velvet cups of butter.
But for some reason the dirty thief did not take my Digitech Whammy Pedal,
Electro Harmonix Big Muff &
Electric Mistress & Small Stone,
Boss CE-3 & DM-2,
Mutron Multi-Phase,
MXR Phase 100 & Blue Box,
E-bow, or my Echo-plex.
Or my absolute most favorite pedal in the world,
the amazing ACE TONE FUZZ MASTER 2.
So, I guess it could have been worse.
It feels bad to have someone take something from you.
Like a helpless victim... no one to grant me justice... never mind justice I just want my stuff back.
